Goodbye 2014…

2014 is finally over,
the most painful year of my life,
loosing a very big piece of my heart,
my wonderful brother…

Loosing my uncle,
loosing many friendships,
even those which I could swear were real…

Had to accept the bitter fact,
that most friends are only strangers,
they are often around for some interest,
for their walking away there are no other answers!

I’m thankful to all,
to those who stayed,
and helped me resist in the hardest moments,
and to those who left.
Thanks to them both for showing me the way,
who to keep in my life,
and who to keep away!

Though I wish a Happy New Year for all,
I know life and suffering can not be apart,
how can them be while life is to learn to love,
and then suddenly to learn to leave those beloved?
However that’s the only way for the little seeds,
to grow into marvelous trees.
The only way for the slow caterpillar,
to transform into a butterfly and fly with ease.

So if you can be with your beloved ones,
cherish well all of its moments,
and when you have to face a painful loss,
resist, the wound never heals,
but cherish how your soul upward flees.

Comes what may come cherish life,
cherish all of its moments,
none of them will ever return,
each of them is hiding a lesson…

 

Yes, I know it’s not easy… There are moments when overcoming the pain seems easier, but then there are moments which just crumble us and don’t let us see any point in them… Yes, many times it’s really hard, but let’s just try!

Oh 2014,
you betrayer 2014!
Goodbye,
goodbye,
I will never miss you!

However thanks for teaching me
how cruel some people could be!
I owe you such a big lesson,
oh I owe it to you cruel betrayer!
Even though the deep incision,
will burn and hurt forever!

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Time always unwinding, all these dead lines in my mind…

Still struggling with my pain I came to this amazing video and song yesterday. Needless to mention how much I cried with this very impressive video. It is very sad but at the same time looks at death through a different frame which leaves you some hope.
I can’t get over it yet, I miss my brother so much, and everyday instead of getting a bit healed I feel more pain. Can’t believe that I won’t see his lovely face anymore, can’t believe that I won’t hear his beautiful voice… While people he died for have very quickly restarted their normal life, just like nothing has happened, I’m struggling days and nights to overcome this pain…

I’d like to share this song and video with everyone who have lost someone very dear in life. Wishing for our beloved ones who left, eternal peace and happiness, and so much strength for us who remain with the pain to go on, until the day we will meet them again.

Born in spring, gone in spring, the boy with April in his eyes…

 

Your little sister is waiting for you to come back

There was a time when sun could warm me,

when spring breezes could bring me smiles,

there was a time when there were colors,

and life could have its beautiful lies…

Now I’m walking just on ashes,

and all I see is dark,

the light, the colors, the smells are gone,

in the sky I can find no spark…

I loved the green shades in your eyes,

loved the naughty curls of your hair,

loved the warmth of your kind hand,

holding my little hand when we walked away

Since I can recall you’ve been my North Star,

showing me, telling me the way to go.

Now I’m lost in this aimless world,

wondering where the days flow…

You taught me how to hold the pencil,

now howΒ can I dare to draw?

Every single stroke brings a memory

the papers away I want to throw…

I shed all the tears in the world,

but what can bring you back?

When can I see your face again,

when there will be a simple track?

As far as my lungs can breathe,

my heart will burn and ache,

until the day that you’ll come back

your lil sister’s hand you’ll take…

 

 

I’m happy with the result, but hyper realism is still far away!

Here’s the result of 17-18 hours of sacrificed sleep! Another portrait drawing using my old mechanical pencil.
Credits of the beautiful photo I used as model for this drawing go to: Rifqi Dahlgren (click to visit his blog). He kindly let me use his work as model for my noncommercial drawing. There are great portrait photos on his blog, you can find the one I chose for this drawing here: http://rifqisphoto.wordpress.com/2012/08/06/the-beauty-style/

Well, if you look at the original photo you’ll definitely notice that the model is much more beautiful than my drawing! Unfortunately I realized it only after scanning my finished work and comparing it to the original photo on my PC. However I think I’ve learned a bit from my mistakes, hope to be able to avoid some of them for my next drawing.
Although I’ve not been successful in making the drawing look like the model, I’m somehow happy with the final result.

Realistic pencil portrait drawing -0,5 mm lead  mechanical pencil on 24x33 cm, 220 g/m Fabriano paper

Realistic pencil portrait drawing
0,5 mm lead mechanical pencil, kneaded eraser
on 24×33 cm, 220 g/m Fabriano paper

Here are some steps of the drawing process, the photos are all taken by a camera, which again because of the low quality (too dark or too light) I had to adjust their lightnings on my computer, otherwise it would have been hard to show how they really looked like:

Step 8 may seem similar to step 9. In step 9 I added final touches to make it look more realistic, it may not be noticeable, but the differences do exists. πŸ™‚
The image of the final work posted above the steps gallery is taken by scanner, however there are subtle differences in respect to the original work. Like the bright area on her nose, in the original drawing that area is less evident, although the shaded areas are similar to the original drawing. I don’t know whether the problem is my scanner, or it is the problem with graphite pencils, ’cause it seems mission impossible to capture my graphite drawings as they really are!

Hope you liked this post. Can’t wait to read what you think about it!

First portrait using watercolor pencil!

Guess I’m back to my creative mood again! I have started a new drawing few weeks ago, but because of my not-collaborating mood, it has become one of those really slow and gradual drawings, which remain untouched for several days or even a week! Until 2 days ago while putting in order a closet, I accidentally found some watercolor supplies I’d received as a gift times ago. Following several great watercolor artists on WordPress, I have been inspired a lot to try this media. So I just couldn’t help but grabbing the black watercolor pencil and trying to draw a portrait, using one of the Kurt Cobain’s famous photos as model, ’cause it was in black and white and old enough. The result is not comparable to the work obtained by mechanical pencil, the hair on the left side for example doesn’t even look like hair! lol The fact that I did all in less than 3 hours is just hilarious for me, specially because it was my first try with watercolor pencil. I’m curious to see how it would work with real watercolor for me, ’cause watercolor pencils are easier to use.
Anyway those 2-3 hours of free drawing and painting, without any worries for mistakes just lifted my creating mood. I could even come back to my unfinished drawing. There will be sleepless, “drawingful” nights ahead, but I believe it’s worth it! πŸ™‚

Click on the image to see a bigger image.

Kurt Cobain's portrait -  Black Faber-Castell watercolor pencil on 300 g. 21x29,7 cm Fabriano watercolor paper

Kurt Cobain’s portrait – Black Faber-Castell watercolor pencil on 300 g. 21×29,7 cm Fabriano watercolor paper

Harbor glance – drawing finished!

Finally it’s finished! Here is the scanned image of the completed drawing (I used compuet to add the watermark on it).
I did my best to scan it the nearest possible to the actual drawing, struggling with the scanner light settings, but it always came out too light or too dark. This one represented the original work the best, but it’s slightly darker. I think the problem is the graphite itself, using a camera or scanner doesn’t make a big difference, it reflects light very much, specially when the whole drawing is done by an HB lead. I think the harder grades reflect the light more when they are pressed a lot on the paper.

Click to see a larger image.
Realistic Portrait Drawing - Harbour Glance

Here are some photos I managed to take occasionally. Again working at night with lack of proper facilities they just came out with a horrible quality. I tried to fix the lights a bit on computer, but not very much could have been done. However I’m posting them to show you some steps of the drawing process.
It took about 30 to 35 hours of work and the tools used for it as I’ve probably mentioned before were: Fabriano 220 gr. 22×33 cm smooth white paper, Pelikan kneaded eraser, mechanical pencil with HB 0,5 mm Staedtler leads. For softening the bigger shaded areas I used make-up cleaning tissues (cosmetic cotton-wool pads), and for the smaller parts “ear cleaning sticks”! Yes, you read it correctly! πŸ˜€ Well, I had received this box of cosmetic pads and ear cleaning sticks some times ago, when I read somewhere on internet that cosmetic pads are great as smoothing tools for graphite drawings I opened the box, and then a lamp was lighted in my mind looking at the ears cleaning sticks: they would work as smoothing tools for the fine shades! And they worked!

As for the model, she doesn’t want me to talk about her, however gave me all the rights to her photo to be used as a model for my drawing, so I can put this drawing for sale! Thanks to her πŸ™‚
If you’re interested to buy contact me on marysculptor at gmail.com
Thank you for visiting my blog and reading this post, see you soon in the next post (crossing fingers!).

Unfortunately couldn’t manage to complete it in time …

I would have worked on it more, but what could I do when after many days not finding the time to sculpt I uncovered my sculpture and found it solid?! 😦 It was almost dried, could just polish the surface a bit with some wet stuff, add some hair and improve the neck…
Ah it drives you nuts when you don’t have the right tools, worse of all when you don’t have any time, but insist to do a work anyway! No, I’m not happy, but I won’t loose hope. Next time I’ll try to make a smaller sculpture which will be easier to manage, and create some better tools (like the base), paper just couldn’t resist the weight of that much clay, indeed it ended up with some cracks at the neck, ’cause the weight of the head applied so much pressure on the neck.

OK, did you guess who he is? Don’t worry if you didn’t, here is the answer:
He is Tom Meighan, the singer of Kasabian Band. What do you think about it? Do you find any resemblance?!

I took many shots, but with lack of light and a too amateur photograph (me!), they just didn’t show the details I liked to get. The following photo is one of the few shots which I liked, used flash light for that, then improve the lights in Photoshop. I’d like to record a brief video, turning the sculpture around, but not having any rotating base, I should wait a bit.

Tom Meighan - Kasabian - Clay Sculpture, Profile

Tom Meighan – Kasabian – Clay Sculpture, Profile

Until next post, bye! πŸ™‚